I can see it on your face, smooth and delicate as it is. The pain seeps through, and you know it. There is nothing you can do to hide it. I feel it too; it is written on my face in the same way. The aching pain of living that most pushes down to keep moving. The blood under your nails, tearing into your flesh, whether you want to or not. The impulse to die never dies. To plunge yourself into oblivion sounds like a nice evening activity. This sickening should bond us all, but it most certainly doesn't. Smiling faces all around, and it bothers you because you wish that you had that, but you know that you never could. Asleep while you're awake because it's easier that way. Being lifted from your body, though, doesn't lead to transcendence as it doesn't exist. Tuning into a frequency that aligns with those on the ground is the only way you feel like you can truly rest. It's not all bad; there are momentary glimpses into enlightenment, only to be shrouded in darkness later that day. Looking up to see phone calls and cheer, wondering where you went wrong. I know you can't remember the last time you had a phone call, but this is your own doing because deep down, you have nothing to say. The faces believe that this is the culprit of your darkness, that you wish you had what they have. In reality, whatever that means, it is the exact opposite. Sitting in silence is your best trick because your mind is too full for anything to break through. The tragedy is that you could never have what they have because your heart decayed long ago. The graying of your skin isn't always apparent to those who look, but I can see it. Paying the toll each day for existing, though not truly alive. Walking on the highway and the cars never swerve, hitting you head-on every time. I wish I had the remedy, but we both know that it doesn't exist. We know that coughing up blood is a symptom of a disease, one that cannot be cured. The pain purges every day because it can't find anywhere to go but flows through us. We are empty and can never be free, but at last, we share this connection.