Payment Plan

"Ok, let me get this straight. You want to pay for half right now and then pay for the other half later?" 

"That's exactly right, see that wasn't so hard. I'll pay for half of it now and the other half in a couple of months when I save up some money." 

"Uhhhhh, we don't really do that" 

"What do you mean, you can run my credit or whatever you need to do but I know I can set up a payment plan. If I need to, I will take half of it now and the other half when I pay the rest but you have to let me pick which half I get now." 


"Ma'am, this is a dog shelter."






Peculiar: Part 1

Gerald was a slight man, so much so that it would not be uncommon for it to seem as if he appeared in the room by magic. In reality, he would just make his way ever so swiftly into the room that it was as though his entrance was undetected. Why was this a big deal? It wasn't really but it was not uncommon for someone to scream or jump out of their seat because they are startled by the presence of Gerald. He has gotten used to it at this point and now he makes sure to announce his presence when he enters a room to avoid any mishaps. His sister said that it has always been an issue and can't put her finger on exactly why it is that he is so unnoticed. She agrees that he is slight but there are many slight folks, so why is Gerald different? This was a good question, one that Gerald asked himself often but he knew he couldn't dwell on it. It was not something that really bothered him --well until recently.. 

Something was wrong the night before and he could feel it. It started with when he was headed to wind down for the night, he was only able to locate his right slipper, the one with the slight hole around the big toe but the left one was nowhere to be found. This was peculiar because his left slipper was always in the same place, to the left of the right. Luckily, this didn't derail Gerald's night and he proceeded to run the bath that he does around this time of night but just as he was going to turn the knob, it came off and fell into the tub. There was a screw there that Gerald thought he could maybe turn with some pliers but this bath had started to sound more like work than relaxation so he decided that the bath would probably get cold too quick anyway and it ultimately wouldn't be worth it. In the back of his mind, he does wish that the bath was easier tonight because he does like baths. His nightly television shows surely can't disappoint, right? As he sits in his chair like he always does, the television suddenly goes black, and his phone rings.

Swallow the Fire

Whatever you are feeding me, it is creating a large fire within me. When I talk, I have no choice but to breathe fire. When I hit the atmosphere of the world outside, I turn to ice until I am fed again. Then the cycle continues until I burn up for good. 

Coffee Date

She spots the cute guy across the cafe. She looked away and when she looked back, their eyes connected. It was meant to be. They could be together and it would be the best thing that has ever happened to both of them. This is what life is all about. What could possibly stop them from living their best life possible together forever? Well, there aren’t many things that could and she starts to get up to approach him when she hears a faint voice that starts to get louder until she snaps back to reality. Where are ya going honey? She looks down at her husband, sitting there with his coffee and his laptop scrolling YouTube videos about how to put together a cold brew maker. The bathroom, I’ll be right back. Her husband goes back to his video and she catches a glimpse of the cute guy and he seems disappointed as is she in a way. Once she was out of her husband’s eyeline (not that it mattered anyway, he was almost finished with step 6 of 24), she did her best smize and look at him, he half smiled, looked at her husband and went back to tapping the computer or whatever these guys do. 


*A few minutes go by, she can’t even use the restroom because she has become so excited about the prospect of getting another glance in. She primps herself and takes a couple deep breaths. This is her big moment, she has a couple seconds before her husband sees so here goes nothing* 


She exits the restroom, flips her hair and turns to catch eyes with the cute guy and she could not believe what she was seeing. The cute guy had killed everyone in the cafe including her husband and they could finally be together. They walked out together and lived happily ever after. 


Based on a true story. 

Afternoon Stroll

Last week I was strolling down the avenue and I came across something that has to be seen to be believed. 


I was minding my own business, not walking a dog because I'm not gross like that and I saw three women moving slowly but putting on makeup furiously. If it wasn't before, it had certainly become a race but not distance but lipstick.


The craziest thing is that they all got hit by a bus and so the race was over. 


Disappointing though, they were really starting to build a foundation.